What Is The Circumference Of Your Pussy?

Need help on measuring how slack your gash is? Look no further, as I have studied all of those Facebook applications in order to create the perfect Facebook quiz. Answer these questions as honestly as you can, then pass it on to ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS, PETS, RELATIVES, NEIGHBOURS, AND CLEANERS. NO CHEATING!

1. A man asks you out on date. What do you wear?

A. Cagoule, a pair of corduroy trousers, and beige underwear.

B. Smart top, knee length skirt, something presentable.

C. Tight blouse, sexy secretary glasses, possibly no knickers

D. Ronseal

2. You are in relationship, but want to sleep with someone else. You...?

A. Dismiss it. You've made your bed and now you've got to lay in it with an ugly fatso who smells of cabbage.

B. Break off your current relationship, then try and get to know the new guy a few weeks later

C. Suggest to your current boyfriend that the other person could join in

D. What's a relationship?

3. What is your favourite sexual position?

A. Missionary - and even then, only for procreation

B. Cowgirl - you like to ride the saddle

C. Doggy - increases your grip

D. GIVE IT TO ME BABY, UH HUH, UH HUH!

4. A friend in need is a friend indeed, a friend with -what- is better?

A. A nice smile who isn't pushy about sex

B. Big arms and a tender kiss

C. Kinky ideas

D. 10 foot cock and a few hundred virgins

5. Who would be your ideal partner?

A. One of the Jonas Brothers...or at least when they're legal

B. Jude Law

C. Johnny Depp...or maybe Clive Owen...oh, why must you make me choose?

D. Ron Jeremy

6. When was the last time you had sex?

A. I would never tell, especially on a poxy quiz like this. You should be ashamed of yourself for asking such vile things!

B. In recent memory

C. Last night, and I liked it

D. I stopped once in 1997 for a cigarette and a bite to eat.

7. Do you pleasure yourself?

A. Only if commanded to by the lord

B. On occasion, if the mood takes me

C. Sometimes, and I make my boyfriend watch

D. Mmmmmm, hmmmmm, what?

8. How many boyfriends have you had?

A. ...That's private...

B. I can count them on my hands

C. 1,2, skip a few, 99, 100

D. Carry the five...divide by 2...squared...add on the speed of the train...

9. A man offers to pay you for sex. You...

A. Ring the police to arrest this filthy scumbag. This country is going to the fucking dogs....

B. Take the money, kick him in the balls, and run off giggling

C. Take the money, take the sex, take the pill the next morning

D. Ask him if he'd be interested in a gift card for his loved ones.

10. When did you last have an STI check?

A. What's an STI? Isn't that what pigs live in?

B. Only when I have a medical.

C. One time an ex phoned me and told me to get checked out

D. It's the STIs that steer clear of me!

Your result:

Mostly A's: Mouse's ear

What are you, a nun? You need to get laid pronto, because no one likes to press sausagemeat through a keyhole. Diagnosis? A large injection of pork, pronto!

Mostly B's: Snug Fit

Girl, your cooch doesn't have much room to scooch, but don't worry because you could generate enough friction to power a small town in Dorset. Eco friendly fucking; doing your bit for the environment.

Mostly C's: Loose Moose Aboot This Hoose

Like Wine Gums, you're pretty tasty, but I'm guessing I'm not gonna be the first to feel the motion of your ocean. Never mind, at least we can laugh at the fanny farts created by your flappy labia.

Mostly D's: Supermassive Black Hole

Swallowing dying stars as it collapses in on itself and crushing both matter and time with it's overbearing destruction, your fanny could end civilisation as we know it. Someday, Donnie Darko might use your minge to travel back in time.